More Than Just Mama

My husband is not perfect. Do I get mad at him?

Of course!

Do I not want to talk to him sometimes?

Totally.

Do we fight?

Of course! It’s a marriage.

Do I love him?

With my whole heart!

Do two individuals agree on everything? Do two different people have the same opinion always? Nope, it doesn’t happen. But what is important is to not give up on each other. Instagram and Facebook may make a person’s life look perfect and glamorous but, we all have our struggles. We vowed to marry our significant other for better or for worse. In sickness and in health. For richer or poorer. We gotta make these words count. I recently heard a statistic that a married couple in Orange County, CA have a 78% chance of getting a divorce. That’s nuts! We have a better chance of getting a divorce than staying married :/

Obviously if a relationship wants a chance at making it, both parties need to agree to work on themselves to stay together. Something that was not obvious at first but, that I have learned is that helping others is the best way to help a relationship and oneself .

I’m not a writer (as you can tell) and I do not have some emotionally moving quote from Gandhi to give you. What I do know is that no matter what, when you help someone in need, your heart will be fuller and happier.  And if you help someone with the person you love, then your relationship can go places it never could have before.

Am I perfect?

Of course not.

Is my husband?

Nope.

Who is?

But we have found something together that makes life beautiful, and is part of the glue that holds our relationship together.

Living in Orange County, I feel like you always gotta be keeping up with the Jones’ family. Who has the biggest house, who has the most expensive car, who has the hottest wife…  Pretty sure this is the mentality of a lot of people  in Orange County. Hey hey, calm down if you disagree. I said most. Not everyone. Why does society make us think like this? When we die we can’t take all this junk with us, so why has it become so important?

When I die, I hope I have a sell out crowd at my funeral. But I don’t want them saying meaningless things like, I had a pretty home, a cool car and took great vacations…but that I helped them in some meaningful way in their life. I hope that I helped them through a tough time by listening and being compassionate, maybe being able to support them financially, or letting them stay at our house in hard times.

My husband helped show me what is important in life. If it were not for him,  would have never done half the things that I have. I love that my husband has shown me how to “make deposits”.  Deposits into heaven that is. Although in the beginning I didn’t always feel this way, he never gave up on me. For years when we dated he invited me to church on Sunday. I would always say no and he would go alone. He never threatened that, “I would go to Hell” or that “Jesus didn’t love me”. He let me come around when I felt it was time. I did finally end up in church because I lost a bet and had to go to church as payment lol! But, that first time I went, I loved it! Did I tell him? OF COURSE NOT! Hahaha! Being stubborn, I could not let him know that I felt something. Did the message get to me? Nope. Did someone in the crowd have a compelling story? Nope. It was the worship music! When that music played I felt something I have never felt before. Peace and love. I had never listened to Christian music before,  but I LOVED what I was hearing.

This is a picture of a band that I like. This is Slipknot. They have a song called “snuff” that makes me struggle to hold back tears. Actually…I like a lot of music that involves screaming ha.

Then I can listen to “The stand” by Hillsong or “10,000 reasons” by Matt Redman and struggle to hold back tears.

Music speaks to me. I literally love every genre of music. I would say that I didn’t like country until my hubby showed me some incredible songs.

I hated country yet this song makes me lose it every time. “Bless the broken road” by Rascal Flatts.

Bottom line is that my husband did not give up on me and  helped save me, and I am truly so grateful for my life. My husband, one random trip to Mexico and The Peavy family changed everything.

Back to the “deposits” into heaven. After becoming a believer, I learned something new! You are encouraged to “tithe” :/

WHAT!?!?!?! I should be GIVING ten percent of my hard-earned money AWAY?!?! I thought he was nuts!

Who does that?

Apparently many people!

What in the world?

The craziest part is that when you do tithe, donate, or help someone, you don’t tell people! I asked him, “What do you mean? When you do something nice you have to post that ish on social media! Why? To show everyone how nice and compassionate you are. Right?

My husband taught me to give when no one is looking. He taught me that the Bible says to give with out your left hand knowing what your right hand is doing. What he means by this is, do something for someone without letting others know. If you are helping people, just for the thrill of others seeing, it is still good, but it doesn’t count as a “deposit”.  God isn’t interested if you give just to be showy. He wants you to give with your heart. No one needs to know about that. It is between you and the Lord.

When Cole (my husband) and I choose to give to others, we call it our deposit into Heaven. Nobody needs to know about it except Jesus. You can give 1% or 99% of your income like Rick Warren! Can you imagine giving 99% of your yearly income away?!?! Hot damn you could help so many people! And when I say giving, I’m not only talking about money.

When we die we can’t take our house, cars, fancy shoes and purses with us (I still struggle with leaving behind my shoes and purses lol!) We can’t take anything with us. All we will have are those deposits into Heaven and the time we spend doing what the Lord has asked us to do here on Earth. Love others. It’s not that hard.

When you die, will you be happy with what you’ve done here on Earth? You don’t even have to believe in God or to be religious to agree with this. When you have helped someone in your life you can’t say that you didn’t get a warm and fuzzy feeling.

I’m a Christian. You might be another religion. You might believe in whatever you want, or believe in nothing at all! Bottom line is that we all know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate, compassion and coldness. We should all focus on being a good person with our lives.

I am writing in hopes of someone reading this and that they choose to (as my husband always says) “make their money matter. Don’t tip toe through life and arrive at your grave safely. Do something on this Earth that matters.”

Perhaps you can’t give financially at this time. That’s fine! You have things WAY more valuable that money! Give your time and your love to another that needs it. Go to a soup kitchen, play board games with the elderly, go help in a natural disaster, help build a home for the homeless, hold a baby in the NICU with no parents. Your love and time could be the greatest gift to another.

When my husband is bummed about something or getting sucked into the Orange County lifestyle, I vowed to help recharge his spirit. When he or I are having a hard time we know we need to go serve together. A couple that serves others together will bond in a special way. Here is an example of something easy to do that always brings my husband and I back together.

Put a few bags together for the homeless.  Fill it up with whatever you can and just go have a conversation with someone on the street. Ask them their story. They are so grateful for the bag of goodies, but they love having someone to talk to. Yes, some have mental problems, some have addictions to overcome however, they all want to be loved, need some compassion, and want to be heard.

Fill a bag with something simple.

If you can afford a little more then add some food.

Our favorite way to get around on the street is riding our skateboards. Carry the bags in your hands or if you can, stuff them in a backpack. Our last set of bags included this:

-Socks

-Hand Wipes

-Kleenex

-First Aid Kit

-Toothbrush and Toothpaste

-Mouthwash

-Orange

-Candy Bars

-Crackers

-Water

-Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich

-Deli Sandwich

-Chips

-Raisins

-Banana

-String Cheese

-Fruit Snacks

-Protein Bar

-Apple

-Candy

-Breakfast Bars

-Jacket or Umbrella’s if cold season

So…my husband is not perfect. He can drive me absolutely insane at times BUT, he has shown me how to live life to the fullest. Don’t get me wrong, we do have nice things. We work very hard. You should enjoy your life. Cole reminds me though, that the fancy stuff isn’t important. He reminds me to give with my heart and to love others.

So, since we know that no one is perfect, relationships are hard, and for those of us that are married the odds are not in our favor, we need to set time aside to do meaningful things together for others if we want to make it.

I hope that when I get to those white pearly gates one day, that I can look the Lord in the face and say, I truly lived my life the best I could. I used my gifts to their fullest potentials to help the kingdom. That I loved people and gave back unconditionally, and that I made Him proud.